The Darwin Hymnbook      

The good book says to do good to those who hate you, so this page is dedicated to our evolutionist opponents.  You see, we felt sorry for them after September 11; they had spent so much money on their PBS Evolution TV series, but then air time came right on the heels of the terrorist attack on New York and Washington.  While Americans were out singing God Bless America and all those other stirring songs based on the Bible and creation, the Darwinists didn’t have a prayer.

So we decided to pitch in and help the Darwinists with some songs to rally the troops, some soul-stirring anthems to really put the evol back in evolution.  Why should the Christians have all the good songs?  Maybe we’ll gather around the PBS studios and sing these songs to inspire them onward and upward to higher fitness.

Got a good song to share?  write here.

To the tune of “Battle Hymn of the Republic”

1. No eyes have seen the story of the origin of life,
It’s an empty speculation and the obstacles are rife;
But we must explain it somehow, ICR will give us strife–
’Tis ruthless marching on!

Gory, gory evolution,
Gory, gory evolution,
Gory, gory evolution,
’Tis ruthless marching on!
2. Now the fit will be survivors, and survivors will be fit,
And survivors will survive to prove the fitness of the fit,
O, this natural selection, it’s so simple, isn’t it?
’Tis ruthless marching on.

Slower, with emotion
3. Now we’ve conquered education; evolution rules the land,
God is just imagination; there’s no purpose, right or plan;
As we face a brave new world without a moral high command,
’Tis ruthless marching on.

To the tune of “America the Beautiful”

1. O ugliful for birdless skies, for amber acid rain,
For purple lightning tragedies above the fruitless plain;
Panspermia, panspermia, come shed thy spores on me,
And crowd my scenes with selfish genes from sea to lifeless sea.

2. O ugliful for stinking slime, that sees beyond the years;
Thine accidental mutants climb, evolving blood and tears.
Mutation rate, mutation rate, chance mend thine every flaw,
Select the best, blot out the rest, till red in tooth and claw.

3. O horrible for meteor strikes, whose stern dispassioned stress,
Bombard thy dinosaurs extinct, across the wilderness;
No miracle, no miracle, may chance thy luck refine,
Till all success be randomness.  (Don’t say that word Design!)

4. Unscrupulous for theories proved by suffocating strife,
Who more than truth their status loved, abortion more than life,
O media, our media, we spread disgrace by thee,
And drown our foes with legal woes from plea to whining plea.

To the tune of “God Bless America”

Godless philosophy, pointless for me,
None to cause us, but Cosmos–
All that is, was, and ever shall be.

From the big bang, to the slime soup,
To the heat death, dark and old:
Godless philosophy, it leaves me cold;
Godless philosophy, it leaves me cold.